you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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