hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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