Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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