There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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