please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
