Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize