I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
