Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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