How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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