She's JV to your varsity
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
