We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
