pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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