Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Randomize
