First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
