it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
