The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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