I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Boobs are out for the taking
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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