Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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