ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
