I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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