You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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