yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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