can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
