at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
