Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
