party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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