Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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