I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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