I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
