Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
