i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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