Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
