OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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