it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
