and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
