Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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