I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
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he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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