I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
