I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize