I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
