Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
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I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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