Bisexual people are plain selfish.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
