tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
