did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
