Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
