they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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