Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
