i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
