I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
