I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
