Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
