apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
