hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
