can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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