it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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