sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
