i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
tell me about the eggs
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