Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
