Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
