Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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