You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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