So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
