a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
wanna go halves on a baby?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
