went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I love having hate sex.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
