I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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