some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
